"Those who can't do, teach.
Those who can't teach, teach gym."
-- Woody Allen
Everyone involved with the TV production of The House With a Clock in Its Walls needs to go back to teaching gym. I'm convinced these are the same men and women who tormented us in junior high. Based on the imaginative John Bellairs novel, the TV "special" lacks the subtlety, wit and charm of the source material. More importantly, a whole character is missing. Mrs. Zimmermann is nowhere to be seen, which in this case is like leaving the hamburger out of the hamburger helper. I missed Mrs. Zimmermann's drollness.
Other important aspects of the Bellairs novel are either changed or left out (ostensibly for brevity). In the novel, Lewis is a chubby, unpopular child. We like Lewis because he overcomes these obstacles by using his brain. In the TV version, Lewis is a skinny, good-looking kid. This isn't fair to the Bellairs novel, and makes his conflict with his "friend" Tarby less believable.
In the original story, the relationship between Lewis and Tarby was more subtle. Lewis innocently trusts Tarby nearly until the end. This "trust" was an important theme in the Bellairs book. Most of us have probably been a "Lewis" or "Tarby" at one time or another, and have regrets either way. In the TV show, Tarby is reduced to a stereotype. He's only a bad kid because he practically comes right out and tells us.
On the technical side, the TV presentation is a disaster. None of the actors can deliver a line. Part-time actor/full-time gym teacher Severn Darden plays Uncle Jonathan. He's just plain annoying. The boys who play Lewis and Tarby are uncredited in the program - for all I know, Lewis and Tarby are Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. They would be about the right age. However, judging from their performances here, I think they grew up to be gym teachers.
Gym teacher Neil Cox moonlighted as director. The House With a Clock in Its Walls is his only directorial credit. I think I know why. Diane Asselin juggled a couple of jobs as a television producer and gym teacher. She went on to produce another TV show based on Bellairs's The Treasure of Alpheus Winterborn. I can't wait to see that.
by "Jurassic" Mark Dittrich
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