Friday, April 1, 2016

Killer Robot Eyes, Ranked

The Eyes of the Killer Robot (1986) turns thirty this year. In this tale, we learn that an insane inventor, Evaristus Sloane, created a fiendish, baseball-pitching robot in the early years of the 20th Century. Professor Childermass, Johnny Dixon, and Byron "Fergie" Ferguson travel to Stark Corners, New Hampshire, and find the 50-year-old machine in pieces. Packing the contraption into the prof's car, the three re-assemble the man-shaped machine at a party back in Duston Heights. Here are the two glass eyes of the robot, ranked.

2. Right eye (oculus dexter)
There are a few things pushing this eye into the number two slot. First, you forget that everything tends to have a scent and that includes this eye. I’d wager what I smell are the cassia bark and myrrh but it’s pretty rank. 40-day-old-and-then-some rank. Second, whoever Sloane talked into participating in this project had complete heterochromia. This one’s gray. Dull, emotionless gray. Hard for that to twinkle, am I right? Lastly, it sort of looks like the lazier eye of the two. Beauty is not in this one, oh beholder.

1. Left eye (oculus sinister)
Hey, this one looks much like the one in the opposite socket. Medico-types calls it the “oculus sinister” and since we know it’s a killer robot we have to give props to the sinister one. The evil eye, if you will (!). Plus it’s a hazel one, shining in either green or gold, and with a blink of...well, can easily trick someone with its true color. Deceptive, devious...delightful: the ayes have it when it comes to the sinister eye!

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